Undying HOPE...

when they first crossed their paths

they knew that they had given each other

a special place in their hearts

from strangers to friends, their journey was short

for their bonding was strong, right from the start!!

he made her feel special

and called her an angel

she helped him realize his dreams

and gave him back his self-esteem

though they talked endlessly, they never met

yet, this was something they never regretted

till, one fine day...

when he disappeared from her life

without uttering any good byes

just as he had come, he had gone away

leaving her wondering what led things astray

she cried n' cried over the void he had left

she found no answers n' moved on bereft!!

years passed and, again, one day...

he returned as if he had never gone away

she asked nothing and accepted him back

and together they continued the journey of life

he set the child-woman in her free

all he craved for was her company

together, they dreamt new dreams

and this time around, they promised to meet

but this was not how it was meant to be

such cruel was their destiny!!

time compelled them to travel different paths

even when they yearned for each other

they were forced to live, anonymously, apart

she did not know what to make of her strife

whether to accept him as an anam cara

or a traveler in her life?

for what had happened once had recurred, again

and deep in her heart she was numbed with pain

yet, she longed for him to come around

so, she kept her faith alive and her will strong

she prayed that when they meet again

which she hoped that they will

all that was there, would be there still...

Delusion

Translucent light flooded my being
acquitting me from a life of servitude 
in a world enveloped by the dark 
freedom from woes that stung
through the days n' the nights
in seemingly endless barbaric acts 
deriding my soul of its very existence!

In a sudden sweep transformation 
my world changed 360 degrees, and
I was set FREE from all bonds of slavery
to be the ME that I so much wanted to be
I, now, no longer had to worry
of emptiness, fear or insecurity, and
all that my destiny held for me!

I thought the insanity was all over
and I did not have to look back ever
till I found my eyes slowly open 
to beads of sweat streaming down my face
my hands clammy from the realization
that all that I saw was a delusional dream
a warm respite from an absurd phase of life!

A time to rend, a time to sew

She'd an unmatched zeal as was her pursuit

to learn the true n' real meaning of life

she embraced her quest n' set out in zest

but it did not take her long to realize

what the harshness in life had done to her heart

she was no longer a reflection of her true self

she loved company but felt alone in crowd

she wasn't lonely but she longed for a world

that was filled with peace, bliss n' love

she paused when she couldn't comprehend

the perils of life that consumed her whole

but she bounced back with her fiery spirit

piecing herself together to continue her transit

to seek what she sought, such intense was her will

as time flowed, she learnt more n' more

she never believed in the doctrines

n' always left it to the sands of time

to guide her through her journey of life

be it her fate, destiny or the winds of change

n' all the realities that she found strange

like a wise sojourner, she imbued the real

and felt exalted, liberated n' joyous

as she realized the meaning of life anew

that there is always "a time to rend and a time to sew"!

Destiny

What is destiny?

A pre-ordained diktat

of each one of our lives

written by the almighty

when we are born?

or

the result of actions

n' deeds done by us

in our everyday lives

when we live?

those who believe in the former

blame it for every outcome

when things go against their will

those who believe in the latter

know what needs to be done

n' feel familiar with the drill

it is better to not get embroiled

in this enmeshed world of destiny

n' live our lives ignorant of it

with grace, fortitude n' serenity!

Pauses in Life

Is my quest for eternal peace n' my callin'

a surreal boundless semblance of a mirage?

is it only me who fears on what the comin' holds?

moments keep movin' time after time

n' with it the unknown unfolds;

Life is meant to be an ongoing journey,

with every second, hour n' day addin' to it,

then why am I being forced by time to pause?

Did I happen to grow up too fast

or was it destiny that blew me apart?

as tears stream down my face,

I'm forced by time to pause ~

to seek sanity in my solitude,

askin' myself the necessary question,

why do I keep slippin' into a vortex?

when my intentions are always right..!!

With every moment that passes, it dawns,

that this too shall be lost in the bracken,

O! why does it have to reminisce of the past,

where I lost the realm of my childhood innocence,

that I still yearn in every livin' moment to overcome,

the trapped feelin' within n' set free,

the true child woman, the real ME.

I will go my own way...

I wanted to go my way, but

my destiny took me the other way..!!

When I halted to make sense of my life ~

I realized, I had let my destiny,

yield me, control me, manoeuvre me,

where though the paths chosen were of my will,

at every breaking point, I was standing still;

enroute a journey that had no destination,

separating myself from my world of dreams,

tears remniscing the memories of a troubled past,

wondering what had I done to deserve such life?

where I was losing myself in a self-destructing world,

and, breathing even when my soul wasn't with me,

O! why was I living, when nothing within me was alive?

When, I heard the whisper within me that urged me ~

to write my own tale, inked with my own will,

I've decided to fight back n' take control of my life,

tread a path that has a destination n' an horizon,

holding onto everything that will keep me moving,

towards the light that will lit the profound dark,

leaving my footprints that will never be erased,

into a world of my own dreams that belong to me,

filled with love, halos and stars, all glowing;

living a life that will be worth my living,

where my heart will be in sync with my soul,

and, I will once again feel, I am whole!

Yes, I will go my own way, and

so, will my destiny follow me the same way..!!

Silence to Resilience..!!

as I pondered in silence...

my life reeled before me

from when I'd my sensibilities

a myriad of collages, replayed

some clear, some cluttered,

yet, somehow they all mattered!

a journey indeed ~

it's been for me...

from innocence to maturity,

melancholy to serendipity,

seen it all, done it all, and

learnt from every climb n' fall

there were the lows n' the highs

ensembled with the worldly sighs!

awed, stricken, diffident n' disdained

every emotion within me has been raked

been a wreck when filled with void

but have also experienced sheer pride

bouncing back has been a pattern of my life

through every crisis, windfall and strife!

destiny's favorite child, that is me ~

I've accepted it now and set myself free

in the depth of silence, I found the key

resilience, it shall be till eternity!

I will survive...

There are times when I feel its all true
there are times when I feel its all untrue
What is my life all about?
O! how I wish I knew...

I've been living alone in my own world
dreaming of a special someone
yearning for him all the while
this is something I cannot deny

There are no chains yet I feel bound
in some unknown binds that hold me tight
I tread my melancholic life as such
as the way, the day paves for the night

I see the road but it has no end
I see a boat but it has no anchor
So I plunge head on into the seas
to make sense of my destiny

Amongst the waves is where I will now live
Amongst the waves is where I shall die
I need to befriend the storms to survive
the highs and lows of my life!

Frozen Love

You! the man of my life
redeemer of my strife
a blessing from above
the soul whom I loved
has now everything destroyed
leaving emptiness and a void

I want to scream and shout
but my words just won't come out
the allegation and accusation
expressed your frustration
the torturous words, hurt
causing tears, that I avert

I thought we were meant for each other
spending the rest of our lives together
but this was not how 'twas meant to be
separate paths were written in our destiny
our footprints, over time will be erased
just like how our memories would fade

we must walk alone now in silence
mulling over our frozen love in obeisance!

A Special One...

June' 09 -

A month back from today ...

I found a special SOMEONE

or maybe he found me

or was it fate ordained, chance or destiny?

pre-destination that may be called in any name

it feels like an act destined

at time's beginning

an unseen to be seen

when it was meant to be

It’s something I'll never know

it doesn’t matter now -

for the bond has been

nurtured to be very strong

So much of him I like & adore

his gentle expression 

sealed with warmth

his witty humor n' impressive intellect

cast in a honest face

and an ever-ready smile 

flashed through concerned eyes

Our relation is special to me in so many ways

that it cannot be so easily defined

but know that -

it means the WORLD to me

to have known and bonded with him

incised with hope & true care

counting the days and hours we spend together

cherishing them in memory to live for ever...

Live LIFE...

The stars gaze at you from the benevolent sky
The trees watch you through their eyes, don't they??
The river keeps flowing all the while
and still is new from the start to the end,
yet it askance, why do you look at me?
is it to see a reflection of yonder
or to introspect or dwell??
A set of tomorrows are all lined up
Some bigger & clearer than the rest
who keep getting smaller farther away;
but they all seem to be echoing
Just ONE thought -
Behold… We See You, We are Coming!!

Stand Up. Be Bold. Be Strong.
Make your own future.

Take the responsibility on your shoulders
Know that you are the creator of your own destiny
Which is a matter of your choice and not chance!!
All the strength and succor you want -
Lies within yourself.

Caress every moment conscientiously
Live LIFE, it’s splendid, it’s beautiful!!

What you mean to me...

Its difficult to imagine...
what Life would have been like
without you around to share,
to be with and to care about.

You make my world -
a brighter and happier place,
with laughter, love & tears
well entwined & interlaced.

Your presence in my life -
is something I deeply cherish,
and hold so close to my heart
for you seem to have
a mesmerising effect on me.

I look upon you as a blessing in disgiuse
bestowed on me from the heavenly abode
a harbringer of peace that I so much sought
an antidote to the cruel irony of fate
that destiny to me meted out.

I feel myself with you ...
The times we share are special to me,
And, I know I can always count on you.
On my own, I could never understand,
and enjoy the simple pleasures of life,
the way I do with you now,
and, I just want to tell you that -
Be there with me alwayz ...
For with you I live through
Life's each n' every moment
as you make them feel
so beautiful, colorful & precious.

Whenever I pause to give our relation a thought,
I am overwhelmed with the feeling that -
its one of the finest relationships in Life
that I have ever had, and, I would love to see -
the same sentiment reflecting in you.

P.S: Dedicated to my soulmate- Serah!!

ME

Having traversed on different paths

across the different altitudes of LIFE

when I look back, today -

I feel ... 

I was always wrong

O! Why was I not wise?

Why wasn't I strong?

I suffered through the forces 

of my muffled destiny

others always controlled my life

when I strived hardest

it was against my own shadow

and not the rest

I was not ME

I was split in two -

MYSELF, yet not ME !!

I found it impossible

in this realm

to get back to the

wholeness of my youth, my soul

I crossed the great ocean

and yet, I halted 

so close to the shore

when I found myself alone

stripped off all will 

and deplete of all energy

to take me to the other side

At this high tide of my life

with whatever of the real ME

having ebbed away

thoughts came flooding back to me

Into every opening 

of my mind's bay

reinstating time n' again

that I needed SOMEONE as a part of me

but this I think is something that just can't be!

This is ME.